When fall comes around, college students’ stress levels skyrocket — not because of school or the fear of Starbucks running out of Pumpkin Spice Lattes, but because of the harrowing decisions about which TV shows we should dedicate our precious time to watching. Lucky for you, I have some suggestions for which shows you should pick or kick this semester.
New Girl: Who’s that girl? We already know — it’s Jess (Zooey Deschanel). If you haven’t hopped on this show’s bandwagon, you’d better get to it. Polka-dot skirts and the True American drinking game never get old. *Premiers in September on FOX (date is still TBD because my Google detective skills are below par and I think Deschanel is pregnant…so New Girl is technically on maternity leave).
American Horror Story: Hotel: This mini-series changes settings each season, and unfortunately its attempt at the circus last year didn’t quite pan out. This year, however, the series is merging the two creepiest things on television: hotels and Lady Gaga. *Premiers Oct. 7 on FX at 10 p.m.
Jane the Virigin: Take a crack at this TV show because Hollywood finally came up with an original idea: a chaste character. *Premiers Oct. 12 on the CW at 8 p.m.
Scream Queens: Twenty years after an unsolved murder, a new killer goes on a spree around Wallace University. Could it have something to do with Chanel Oberlin’s (Emma Roberts) tyrannical rule over the Kappa House? Maybe the dean, Cathy Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis), is trying to scare off Oberlin and her finely pedicured nails? Nonetheless, any show that has sorority girls being tortured definitely has my vote. *Premiers Sept. 22 on FOX at 7 p.m.
Limitless: This TV show is a reprise of the 2011 movie starring Bradley Cooper. Unfortunately, Cooper isn’t the main character of this drug-filled series. No Bradley Cooper? No deal. *Premiers Sept. 22 on CBS at 9 p.m.
Fear the Walking Dead: We already know zombies are scary — producers don’t have to create a show to tell us that. This was just a dumb move on the producers’ part. Fans of The Walking Dead are already dedicated to the main characters of the original series. Why try to split that dedication in half? I guess they’re so used to splitting zombies in half, they figured they’d split our loyalty, too. *Sundays at 7 p.m. on AMC
Chicago Med: This series features the firefighters from Chicago Fire coming in with first-degree burns and chafed skin (from sliding down that pole too much). I commend the effort to bring Chicago to the forefront of TV (suck it, New York), but we can do better than another doctor show. Now if there was a show centered around a chaste doctor, that would finally be an original idea. *Premiers Nov. 17 on NBC
All The Real Housewives series: We already know reality TV is B.S. (and if you didn’t know that, you may need to find a brain). Please kick the “real” housewives off your watch list. It’s only worth watching if the producers properly rename it “Fake Boobs.” *Mondays at 8 p.m. on Bravo