Don’t waste the haunting video of James Corden in a mouse costume hip-thrusting at a random civilian for the promotion of this movie — you need to watch the newest adaptation of “Cinderella” on Amazon Prime.
Writer/director Kay Cannon (“Pitch Perfect,” “Blockers”) reimagines the classic 1950 Disney movie as a jukebox musical starring Camila Cabello and it’s… a movie that was made.
Easily, the best scene is when Prince Charming (Nicholas Galitzine), who’s really just a TikTok e-boy waiting to emotionally manipulate you, falls in love with Camila Cabello after she says, “Ooh, bird poop” as she climbs down a statue.
Truly a spectacular scene — #LoveIsReal — in this overall messy film.
Just shy of five minutes into the movie, the terrifyingly animated mice squeal to the beat of “Rhythm Nation” and set the tone for the entire experience. The mice are annoying at best and unsettling at worst, much like most of the adaptation.
Cannon’s version of “Cinderella” updates the 70-year-old material to include an unnecessarily modern take. The focus on Cabello’s career aspirations is admittedly refreshing but with the fumbling execution, it falls flatter than the music notes.
The musical scenes are the most chaotic, and thus the most enjoyable. Early in the film, a next-door, no-name farm boy makes flirty eyes at the two stepsisters before Idina Menzel, who plays the stepmother, sings Madonna’s “Material Girl” to convince her daughters to marry rich. The poor neighbor doesn’t realize he’s getting the brush off and backflips in celebration during the song, for some reason.
The soundtrack choices are bold: The film’s original song “Million to One” will give anyone a million reasons to question their life decisions as they watch this movie — especially by the second reprise. Also, like “Ella Enchanted” starring Anne Hathaway, this Cinderella remake includes a rendition of Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” Unlike the 2004 film, the straight-to-streaming-service movie unfortunately doesn’t do the song justice. (Pro tip: locate the mute button before pressing “play.”)
Along with the music, the clothing adds a questionable spice to this disaster dish. The time period is OldTM — so old that no one’s quite sure, from the actors to the costume department, when this movie takes place. It’s clear the intention was to weave pop culture phrases — “she cray” being one of many — into some undisclosed historical time period, but it feels more like a fan-fiction movie than anything else.
Since Cabello wants to be a dressmaker rather than a princess, she makes a Crayola drawing of her ballgown-to-be after she wears a dress that looks like it’s made out of pink ribbon and tulle scraps anyone can find in a Jo-Anns parking lot. OK, girlboss!
One plus to this adaptation is Cinderella’s dress stays true to the original silver color instead of the later-popularized blue version. (That’s the only CinemaWin for this film.)
The movie, thankfully, is self-aware enough of Pierce Brosnan’s limited vocal abilities — looking at you “Mamma Mia” — and makes a well-placed dig at them. And another glorious meta scene is when Cinderella’s godmother (Billy Porter) asks if she wants to meet potential rich clients at the ball and Cabello replies, “Yes, I was just crying and singing about it like two minutes ago.”
Can someone say Oscar bait?
A few other strange mishaps are impossible to ignore, like how at the ball — a few scenes after she delivers some cringe-worthy lines about how impossible it is to walk in glass slippers and Porter follows with some awkward banter — Cabello chucks her glass shoe at an unsuspecting palace worker and it miraculously doesn’t break.
And for all future Cinderella adaptations — please find a way around the whole “scouring the entire kingdom to find the woman who ran away from me.” It really hasn’t aged well.
If you still aren’t convinced to watch this movie, just know that mouse-turned-coachman James Corden makes a penis joke so unfunny that it’s the peak of comedy.
“Cinderella,” rated PG, is available to stream on Amazon Prime. (For real, you need to watch this.)