Distance Doesn’t Equal Detachment

Living across the country from the person you want to spend the most time with isn’t an ideal situation. You’re forced to go days or even months without seeing each other, only hearing each other’s voices on the phone. 

Spending quality time with someone is typically the only way I can feel connected with them, so moving to Chicago and leaving my boyfriend behind in California didn’t seem like a promising way to maintain a strong relationship. Though we spent the majority of the year together before I moved, our relationship didn’t officially begin until a few weeks before my departure. 

I left for school with no expectations. I knew I didn’t want to break up, but I also had no knowledge of how our relationship would be possible. Surprisingly, I found separation can strengthen a relationship in ways that are impossible without it. Both people putting in the necessary effort can make up for any misery the distance causes. 

The key to a long-distance relationship is communication. 

While you’re not expected to talk every minute of the day, you have to find time to devote to each other. It may seem unreasonable to sacrifice time alone or with friends for a phone call, but that’s the exact type of effort that allows a long-distance relationship to survive. 

Many distanced couples are able to stay connected through writing letters. Often overlooked, trading letters offers a more intimate way of communicating. Since it’s impossible to inform each other of everything that occurs throughout every day, this process allows a couple to share detailed information they might otherwise find irrelevant. 

Obviously, the hardest part of living miles away from your significant other is the impossibility of having shared experiences. Each person goes through their lives unable to involve the other in their days and forced to only relay their experiences over the phone. 

Something a distanced couple is able to share is the sadness at being apart and the excitement for when they will reunite. Counting the days until I see my boyfriend can seem endless, but I love that I know he’s counting too. This gives us something to bond over, a novelty in our relationship. 

A possible advantage to a long-distance relationship is the reassurance that your significant other is committed. I never have to doubt that my boyfriend wants to be with me, as there is no reason he would endure the distance if he didn’t. 

Obviously this is a lucky experience. For some, distance can only increase the mistrust between a couple and can often lead to infidelity. It is true that while you’re miles apart, there’s no way to know what your partner is up to at all times. 

Closing the distance is also an excitement I wouldn’t be able to have without living apart from him. Though I’d love to see him everyday, I love reaching the time to pick him up from the airport after a six-week wait. 

Having him visit means getting to show him Chicago and all the parts of my life that I’ve been telling him about. The limited time we do have together leads us to take advantage of it. When we are in the same city, we’re rarely apart and devote all our time to sharing new experiences. 

I was surprised to discover a newfound independence to be another advantage of my long-distance relationship. When I moved to Chicago, I had no one to rely on but myself. Not having my boyfriend physically by my side pushed me to meet new people. Even though I spent those days wishing I had him next to me, I know there’s so much I would have missed out on if he was. 

Long-distance relationships can force you to find new ways to bond with both yourself and your significant other. The unhappiness caused by the distance can be cured by the connection you form with another person. Having them far away can allow you to be your own person and ensures that you don’t get lost in the comfortability of your relationship. 

Feature image by Julia Soeder / The Phoenix