I Want a Very Specific Hippopotamus for Christmas

Editors’ Note: It’s like the song. We tried our best.

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas — but only one hippopotamus will do. 

I don’t want any beast, all huge and fraught with fangs. I just want a specific one — I want the sweet Moo Deng. 

I want baby Moo Deng herself for Christmas. I don’t think Santa Claus will mind — do you?

Although she’s known as “sassy,” she’ll be easy to subdue. Just have her chomp on Rudolph’s knees and pluck her from the zoo.

I can see me now on Christmas morning, moping like a dork. Oh, what joy and what surprise when I open up my eyes to see my little “bouncy pork.” 

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only the little Moo Deng will do.

No Pesto the Penguin or Biscuits the Seal, there’s only one famed animal that I want to steal — the chubby pygmy hippo in the zoo. 

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. A baby pygmy hippo’s all I want. I’d take her everywhere, acting nonchalant. Peers would gape and gag at the pygmy prize I’d flaunt. 

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, just the one that’s in the Khao Kheow Zoo. She’ll sleep inside my closet, and she’ll come with me to class. She’ll help me with my homework and because of her, I’ll pass.

When I get Moo Deng for Christmas, she’ll finally be free. Oh, I’ll save her from the crowd and then with me she’ll be proud, and you’ll all see how much she means to me.

After I get my Moo Deng for Christmas, she’ll be renowned by clergy and laymen. She’ll meet our Sister Jean and maybe even Reed. They’ll sit with her and eat some brunch with students in Damen.

My Moo Deng will be revered while waddling through the halls. She’ll join all the sports teams, and at all the games she’ll scream and they’ll hear her at Depaul. 

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, but only the little Moo Deng will do. These final weeks of class are difficult to pass, but I know soon these awful weeks will be my Christmas past. 

And my chubby babe Moo Deng will get me through.