Essay: A Thousand Friends, a Thousand Strangers

Through translucent glass windows, the hazy outline of college appears almost dreamlike to many soon-to-be high school graduates. A college campus functions as a bubble where students eat, study and socialize. Each day, a student can see hundreds of faces throughout campus — and yet many still find themselves alone.

While living in the confining regiment of high school, I’d think of college as some abstract wonderland. I imagined it’d be like Aristotle’s school of philosophy, the Lyceum. I’d walk around campus, discussing my interests with my large group of friends who held similar views.

I had to have known it was too good to be true.

The first week of college felt more like “The Hunger Games.” It was survival of the fittest. People latched onto groups based on physical proximity instead of any shared beliefs. I’d run into the same friend three days in a row and then never see them again.

It doesn’t help when other colleges’ recruitment emails — begging students to enroll in their university, claiming they’d be such a great fit — suddenly cut off. Before the first semester starts, students feel wanted, convinced by academic propaganda they have some vital role in the future. However, upon arriving at college, they become just another face in the crowd of newcomers.

This quick pivot in attention may be one factor in leading first and second-years to be more prone to loneliness, according to a 2024 Active Minds study. Tales from long-gone graduates labeling their four years as the wildest of their lives drown out the many mumblings of those whose experiences weren’t as grand. 

It’s hard to lead a wild life all alone.

However, the issue isn’t simply meeting people, as universities boast a variety of clubs and events a student can join to learn others’ names and how long they’ve attended college.

But deep connections — the kind a person looks back on fondly when their hair has grayed — can be as elusive as a direly needed shuttle bus before class. 

It’s typically important for people to feel like they can manage life on their own. But for students with distant families and limited connections, navigating new classes and a new way of living without much help can be incredibly isolating.

Having just one classroom acquaintance who complains about the homework each day can lighten the burden of a new life. Between the suffocating monotony of school and work, occasional conversations with interesting people shine through like stars in the night sky.

Yet many positive encounters are short-lasting. They become one-off conversations instead of caring friendships. Roam the inside of Damen Student Center or the Information Commons and there will be a pool of familiar faces. These people are always recognizable, but are no longer approachable. Their lives have diverged from our own.

Students leave small towns and big cities alike on the promise of making a new home — the first home in many of our adult lives. But as many approach campus, the mirage of a perfect environment starts to fade. All that’s left is a simmering and cracked vision, along with the thought caring solely about academics for a few years may not be so bad.

But when finals begin to take pieces of a student’s soul, not having a friend to lean on prompts reflections on the value of an education without a social life.

Clubs meeting bi-yearly, cliques of sports groups that are hard to break into and the immense anxiety that comes from eating with strangers can all but restrict students from branching out as much as they might like.

Maybe there isn’t a quick-fix solution to finding a connection. No simple advice from my parents’ college experiences in the ‘90s eases my racing mind.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people can’t become unstuck in life if they never try to move. The day is always changing, and new opportunities can arrive from anywhere. The only way to find the many opportunities for friendship is by seeking them out.

It’s important to remember the journey and not fixate on the destination. A connection can’t be made if everyone is too afraid to reach out.

Go to events, even if they seem weird or boring. It’s often the unexpected moments that lead to the most lasting memories. There’s also nothing wrong with some alone time — but four years of being alone is different.

Just know there’s always another chance to live, to learn and to find friendship in this strange institution.

Loneliness isn’t necessarily the be-all and end-all of college — it can be one stop sign on a long and fruitful road.