Essay: Crosswords Saved My Life

Content warning: Eating disorders

Over the last two years, my name has become synonymous with The Phoenix’s crosswords.

I didn’t expect this to happen. In fact, my years at Loyola have been as unexpected, difficult and rewarding as a Sunday crossword puzzle.

I’ve been solving crosswords since 2018. In high school, I watched each morning as my Ma sipped her tea and filled in The New York Times crossword until I could do it myself — though I still pestered her for hints.

My eating disorder began in 2019. Throughout the brutal, finger-numbing Bronx winter, I laid for hours on my bedroom’s radiator and distracted myself with solitaire and crosswords. They got my mind off the fact that I was dying.

Then, as is the common refrain, 2020 happened. Extended time at home helped me get treated that summer and, again, I had nothing to do but crosswords. But this time I started making my own. They got my mind off the fact I had been dying.

Loyola accepted me and awarded me an extremely generous scholarship. I had wanted to major in linguistics, but Loyola didn’t — and still doesn’t — offer that area of study, so I went into communication studies instead. I attended a Phoenix meeting for the Arts section one day, and knew the second I started writing I had to switch to journalism.

During a meeting later that spring, I suggested a crossword to my editor, who said the paper used to have one but didn’t have the funds to keep it going. With more practice and research I began crafting puzzles to prove it could return — and to prove myself to the editors. They got my mind off the fact I was trying not to die.

I was hospitalized for severe anorexia in the summer of 2022. Yet again, with nothing to do for an indefinite amount of time, my fellow residents and I competed in every kind of word game — including crossword solving, Scrabble, Bananagrams and word searches.

My Ma and Dad visited every weekend and brought me copies of The New York Times Magazine, which contains the massive 21-by-21 Sunday crossword. I couldn’t control anything else in my life — my relationships, my health or my mind — but at least I could control the letters.

As I started my second year here, I also started a new life — one that’s lasted ever since. I learned healthy eating habits and coping skills. I made new friends, explored more of Chicago and made plans to study abroad in Rome. Before leaving for Italy, though, I applied to be editor of The Phoenix’s newly reinstated crossword section.

My application consisted of my resume and a Chicago-themed crossword. Looking back on it now, the puzzle was littered with crosswordese — Cro-Magnon, imperial Chinese dynasties, European currencies — but it still won me the job.

Hopefully, frequent solvers have noticed my personal puzzling quirks — alliteration, clues with multiple possible answers and references to my favorite movies and TV shows, especially “Star Trek.”

These puzzles are a source of calm amid lightning strikes of stress. I play them on the shuttle between classes, on the train on my way to work and on the couch after a long week of duties and deadlines. Unlike the relentless push of post-industrial life to go, go, go, crosswords suggest something else — sitting back, grabbing a snack and taking your time. There’s no rush — the puzzle will still be there tomorrow.

I’ve now published 44 crosswords in The Phoenix, but I have hundreds more puzzles and theme ideas neatly sorted on my Notes app. I make them for friends and family, for birthdays and holidays, for you and me.

My dream is to make crosswords for The Times. I want to join the ranks of famous — at least, famous to me — puzzlers like Jeremiah Farrell, who created the iconic Clinton-Dole crossword, and Will Shortz, longtime Times crossword editor.

You might know me as a friend, classmate or writer, but most of you probably know me best as The Phoenix’s crossword editor. It took a long, twisted time to get here, but I couldn’t be happier with that title. Crosswords aren’t just a dot on my resume or a fun fact to share during icebreakers — they’re my life.

I’ve loved sharing my puzzles with Phoenix readers for the last two years. I hope you’ve all had as much fun solving them as I’ve had creating them. And while I don’t know exactly what I’m doing after graduating, I do know one thing — I’ll keep making crosswords.