Essay: I Do Not Like Green Beer and Sham(rock)s

I hold no shame, it’s clear to say, I just don’t like your special day. 

St. Patrick: Would you like it if not me? And the river if not green?

I would not like it if not you. I would not like it if dyed blue. I do not like your special day. I feel this way, it’s safe to say.

St. Patrick: Is it ‘cause you think I’m quaint? Are you the Grinch? I know you ain’t!

No, I don’t think you’re quaint. I’m not the Grinch, you know I ain’t. I would not like it if not you. I would not like it if dyed blue. I do not like your special day. I feel this way, it’s safe to say.

St. Patrick: Pour a pint and think again. If twenty-one, have drink in hand.

I do not want that dark-brown stout. I think more clear if it’s poured out. 

St. Patrick: Is my story not compelling? A slave I was with no real dwelling.

I do not like your boring story. In your escape, I see no glory. I do not want that dark-brown stout, I think more clear when it’s poured out. No I don’t think you’re quaint. I’m not the grinch, you know I ain’t. I would not like it if not you. I would not like it if dyed blue. I do not like your special day. I feel this way and have no shame.

St. Patrick: You do not like St. Patrick’s day? 

I do not like it, so I say.

St. Patrick: You do not like it so you say, but if Reed halts class, you must obey.

Say, I do like St. Patrick’s day! Freedom from class, I yell Hooray! I guess your story is compelling. I wish you’d had a bigger dwelling. Now I want that dark-brown stout. I’d double fist and give a shout. I’m not the grinch, hear what I say — but my heart grew three sizes today. I like today because of you. I’d even like it if dyed blue.

I do like St. Patrick’s day! I say it loud and have no shame!