Satire: One Slurp of Pho Per Trick-or-Treater… And Other Healthy Alternatives to Halloween Treats

Opinion writer Sadie Harlan compiled a list of healthy Halloween treat.

Halloween celebrators should look for more healthy options. (David Bolotin | The Phoenix)
Halloween celebrators should look for more healthy options. (David Bolotin | The Phoenix)

As Halloween season comes into full swing, parents are once again questioning — how much candy should kids really be eating?

Trick-or-treating became popularized in the 18th century, dubbed “besnickling,” or the practice of children exchanging tricks for food and drink on Halloween. What once was a fun tradition has turned into a sugary phenomenon in the United States, rotting teeth from Albuquerque, N.M. to Atlanta, G.A. 

Nowadays, popular Halloween candies leave the taste of chemicals and remorse on kid’s tongues, leaving tens of thousands of children everywhere to wish for more healthy alternatives and savory options.

This fall, parents don’t have to let their kids fall victim to the dangers of Almond Joys or salted black licorice — particular favorites of the youth — and can turn to more nutritious alternatives. What child would possibly turn down a nice red apple, especially when the less than desirable alternative is a gross Snickers bar? 

Real Halloween treats are the ones that inspire joy and excitement in children, not boring old candy. As photos like “One Slurp of Pho Per Trick-or-Treater” — a beautiful image of a Halloween candy bucket filled to the brim with piping hot pho — circle the internet, inspiration for delicious Halloween snacks becomes easier to find. 

The Phoenix has compiled a list of healthy alternatives trick-or-treaters are sure to love.

“Hershey’s” Brussel Sprout Kisses

This is a very simple recipe, with the only ingredients consisting of roasted brussel sprouts and aluminum foil. 

After roasting the brussels for 20 minutes at 420 degrees Farenheit, allow them to cool before wrapping them in a small square of aluminum foil, similar to Hershey’s Kisses.

Kids love vegetables and will be delighted to open the aluminum to be surprised with a Frankenstein-green treat. No seasoning required. 

Alka-Seltzer Juice Pouches

For these, simply find fillable juice pouches on Amazon or a restaurant needs store and fill them with water. After doing this, add a cute paper straw, pop in an Alka-Seltzer tab and color with all-natural food dye.

Because there are so many upset stomachs on Halloween, local children will surely be thankful for the care and love you put into your surprises for them. Not to mention, the great vaguely-carbonated taste of the tablets. 

Moreover, there’s no shortage of fun and creative names to entice trick-or-treaters! Personal favorites range from Boo-Berry and Sinister Citrus. 

Halls Methol Cough Drops

If kids are looking for something on the sweeter side, we suggest Halls Menthol Cough Drops. Especially as temperatures drop in preparation for winter, minty cough drops are essential to staving off cold while still having a sweet treat.

Classic Hard Boiled Eggs

Parents can take a cue from our favorite rabbit-themed holiday by decorating hard boiled eggs with spooky motifs. With the egg as the canvas, the possibilities are endless. Additionally, because of the hard eggshell, parents can save on packaging and simply hand them out as is.

As Halloween rapidly approaches, parents need to be vigilant of what their children are putting in their bodies. Halloween candy is grossly unhealthy and disgusting, ruining the teeth — and lives — of children yearly.

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