Satire: Finding My One, Not-So-True Love for a Day.

Valentine’s Day isn’t the time for showing love to loved ones. Cupid doesn’t recite poems or give endearing hugs.

He’s the son of Mars, the Roman God of War, and pelts arrows down onto his unsuspecting victims. Cupid’s violent love isn’t shown in tender times of play, but in never-ending struggle. 

Valentine’s Day is another occasion where a person can display their hard work and triumph over the eternal struggle of acceptance in this unforgiving world.

Nonetheless, my caring friends and family have besieged my heart with affection and distracted me from the proper ambitions of a successful young American. Instead of making my final roster cuts before the big game, also known as Valentine’s Day, my scheming day-ones have limited my social media potential by loving me unconditionally.

Isn’t it painfully clear in the 2026th year of this Common Era? Must I waste more precious seconds explaining concepts to the ignorant and writing thoughtful letters to those who already care for me? Wouldn’t crafting a clever Instagram caption be a better use of my time? These are rhetorical questions.

Lackadaisical readers won’t understand the severity of my problems. Continuously, more people groan about the decay of young people’s brains in the face of social media, and mourn the youth’s diverted attention from interests like reading. 

Everyone fails to see the opportunity of this unique era of human development.

A Snapchat story isn’t a space for silly moments, just as Instagram posts aren’t supposed to be expressions of personal interests. Every story and post instead acts as a new kind of résumé.

Past generations could slip past judgment on Valentine’s Day by claiming a partner who went to a different school or lived in a different state. Last year, I got away with artificially generating a girlfriend on social media, but now, with the sudden performative hatred of AI, my social credit and electrical bills can no longer handle the upkeep of a fake girlfriend. 

I can’t bear another year without a Valentine. On Thanksgiving, I searched and searched for someone to thank, but everyone was taken. I can’t strike out this holiday as well.

It’s time for real solutions to real problems.

I’ve heard of love at first sight, but what of love for a day? It doesn’t have to be framed as renting a Valentine, which may be seen as immoral. This transaction could be mutually beneficial. I could give someone a box of chocolates, hand them a pre-made Valentine’s card from a major department store or speak some silky words of love I found on Pinterest.

As they say, it’s not the thought that counts, only the final product.

Many may argue for a change in how Americans think of Valentine’s Day. Like the increasingly common Friendsgiving, some may wish for a similarly holistic view of Valentine’s Day. A day in which the value of love was not placed upon media posts or gifts given with little thought, but instead on people surrounding themselves with those whose love has been well-tested.

Yet, the attempted revision of this useful holiday forgets the social opportunity found in Valentine’s Day. In this hustle culture, everyone needs to stay one step ahead, even on holidays. 

There’s no rest for the wicked, and if someone fails to take advantage in this struggle, they’ll be left behind to claw at heart-shaped chocolate wrappers in the trash.

While others are eating at long tables with their closest friends, holding love in their hearts and feeling connected to their communities, I will be working towards something greater.

It’s often said a job doesn’t feel like work if you love it enough. I haven’t loved anything in a very long time, but I’m sure I’ll feel pretty good when I hit five hundred followers on Instagram. 

In the meantime, I must stay vigilant in finding my one, not-so-true, love for a day.