Stop Crying Over Parasocial Heartbreak

Dave Grohl took to Instagram Sept. 10 to publicize his infidelity to wife Jordyn Blum, announcing he recently fathered a child outside of his marriage. The Foo Fighters’ lead vocalist left many fans shocked, bewildered and personally offended — prototypical examples of parasocial behavior.

Parasocial relationships are one-sided connections formed by an individual with someone they don’t know, oftentimes celebrities or media personalities, according to Psychology Today. They’ve become increasingly prevalent since the advent of social media and the rise of “stan culture,” perpetuating unreciprocated feelings of companionship with online idols.

The relationships create a sense of entitlement among fans, as well as an inclination to view their chosen celebrity through rose-colored glasses. People in parasocial relationships tend to feel personally involved in their chosen celebrity’s life, believing their actions affect them individually.

By placing celebrities on a pedestal, fans convince themselves they can do no wrong — and it all comes crashing down when they inevitably do. Parasocial relationships are a symptom of chronic social media use, often spawning more negativity in the lives of fans and celebrities than anything actually productive.

Grohl’s announcement incited a flood of commentary from appalled fans who couldn’t fathom their beloved drummer letting them down. Variations of “How could he?” and “How dare he?” became the center of discussion, with some fans going as far as to say “love isn’t real” or that “mankind is a disease,” as one TikTok comment read.

I scrolled through these posts with a sense of bewilderment. 

A rockstar cheated on his wife and had a baby with another woman — are we really surprised?

With Adam Levine’s infamous cheating scandal and Mick Jagger’s eight children from five different women, it’s not exactly shocking many famous musicians aren’t the most traditional, family-oriented people.

It’s all the more unsurprising considering this isn’t Grohl’s first public cheating offense — though many fans are either unaware or simply don’t care, allowing his friendly persona to overshadow his shortcomings.

While cheating certainly paves justifiable grounds for shame in the public eye, Grohl’s infidelity would barely be a blip on the radar had the internet not already crowned him the dad vibes king.

This point of contention could often be categorized as typical fandom antics — but after overly involved fans started harassing Grohl’s children, it’s clear a line needs to be drawn.

Grohl’s fall from grace speaks to how parasocial relationships can tear down one’s reputation as quickly as it was built. 

People want to follow celebrities whose values align with their own. Devoting time, energy and oftentimes, money into someone only to then be disappointed by their lifestyle choices leaves many fans with a sense of betrayal.

Is the celebrity subject to blame for not abiding by standards imposed upon them by fans? If those decisions bear no empirical effect on the fans’ lives, I don’t believe they are.

Is the fan to blame for putting so much blind faith in a person they’ve never met? Maybe a little.

As someone who shed more than a few tears on the bus ride home from middle school when Zayn Malik left One Direction in 2015, I empathize with these intense connections fans develop to artists — in fact, I firmly believe they’re what keeps the music industry running.

Parasocial relationships are nothing new — if there’s anything we can take away from the Elvis pandemonium in the 1950s or Beatlemania of the 1960s, it’s to not underestimate fans’ passion for music and artists alike.

But with social media providing us more access to celebrities than ever before, it’s easy to forget these people we worship like gods are flawed humans just like the rest of us.

Parasocial ideologies may delude us into believing otherwise, but the decisions celebrities make in their personal lives are highly unlikely to change the trajectories of our own — there are far greater concerns to occupy our worries than a middle-aged rockstar’s infidelity.